The Hardest Habit to Break Is the One That Used to Work
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Reflection Is What Helps Us Move Forward
I was listening to an interview with James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, when he shared an idea that has stayed with me ever since. He said that one of the hardest habits to break is the habit that used to serve you well.
As soon as I heard that, I thought about the moms and parents I work with everyday.
Parenthood changes almost every part of life, yet many of us continue expecting the habits that worked before children to keep working after children arrive. We keep reaching for routines that once made us feel healthy, productive, and grounded, even though our lives look completely different than they did before.
That can leave us feeling frustrated with ourselves when the habit no longer works the way it once did. It’s easy to assume we need more discipline, more motivation, or a better plan. More often than not, what we actually need is the permission to recognize that we are living in a different season.
Every New Season Invites You to Reevaluate Your Habits
There are moments in life, or these inflection points, that sometimes without you even knowing it, changes everything about how you operate in life. These are things life, moving to a new city, starting a different career, walking through grief, becoming a caregiver, or welcoming a child all reshape the natural rhythm of everyday life.
Parenthood may be one of the biggest transitions we experience because so many things change at once. Your mornings look different, your evenings look different, your relationships shift, your sleep changes, and the way you spend your time is no longer entirely your own.
When life changes this much, it makes sense that your habits would need to change too.
The challenge is that most of us never stop long enough to ask whether the habits we're holding onto still fit the life we're living today.
Why This Can Feel Like You've Lost Yourself
One of the most common things I hear from moms is, "I don't even know who I am anymore." Based on what we just talked about, yes this makes sense!
Maybe you used to exercise before work every morning, and now your movement happens while pushing a stroller around the neighborhood. Maybe your mornings once started with coffee and a quiet house, and now they begin with your kids as your alarm clock, breakfast, and fighting for your life helping little ones get out the door. Maybe your evenings used to be a time to recharge, and now they are filled with dishes, bedtime routines, and the choas preparing for another busy day.
When so many of the habits that once helped you feel like yourself begin to disappear, it can feel as though your identity disappeared too.
It all makes sense… however I want to offer you a different way to I see.
Maybe you haven’t lost yourself… maybe you are trying to use habits from a previous season to support a life that no longer exists.
How freeing does that feel? It reminds us that we are not failing, we are growing into a new season that requires something different.
Reflection Is What Helps Us Move Forward
One of the first things I help clients build isn't a better morning routine or a more organized planner.
It's awareness.
Before we know what needs to change, we need to understand the season we're actually living in. That sounds simple, but motherhood rarely creates opportunities for reflection on its own.
Working moms often finish one full day only to come home and begin another. Stay-at-home moms spend their days responding to the constant needs of young children, often without a clear beginning or end. Both experiences can leave very little room to slow down and notice what is happening internally.
That is why creating intentional space to reflect matters so much.
Reflection doesn't have to mean an hour of journaling every morning. It may happen during a therapy session, on a quiet walk, during your commute, or while sitting with a cup of coffee for 10 mins before everyone else wakes up.
The important part isn't how long you reflect, but more about giving yourself enough space to notice what this season is asking of you.
Your Habits Don't Need to Disappear. They Need to Grow With You.
One of the most hopeful parts of motherhood is realizing that you don't have to leave yourself behind. The values underneath your habits often stay exactly the same.
You may still value movement, connection, creativity, learning, rest, or taking care of your health. What changes is the way those values fit into your life today.
A workout may become a family walk, and maybe spicing it up from time to time with a weighted vest or squats while they run on the playground.
Quiet time may happen after bedtime instead of before sunrise.
Friendships may look like voice messages instead of long lunches, happy hours or girls trips.
The goal is to build habits that support the life you're living now, instead of working your old habits into this new lifestyle.
A Habit That Stops Working Is Valuable Information.
When a habit no longer serves you, I don't see that as something to fix… I see it as information.
It's your current season showing you that something needs to evolve. So, instead of asking yourself the thing that all moms experience: “why you can't keep up anymore,” consider asking a different question.
What does this version of me need?
That question shifts the conversation from self-criticism to curiosity, and curiosity creates room for meaningful change.
Motherhood is full of ever changing seasons. Every one of those seasons invites us to grow, and as we grow, our habits have the opportunity to grow with us.
You Don't Have to Figure It Out Alone
If you've been feeling disconnected from yourself, overwhelmed by motherhood, or frustrated because the routines that once worked no longer fit your life, therapy can provide the space to slow down and understand what this season is asking of you.
Together, we can explore the patterns you've been carrying, reconnect with what matters most to you, and build habits that support the person you're becoming instead of the person you used to be.
If you're a mom in Oregon, I'd love to connect with you during a free consultation to see if we're a good fit.
Don’t live in Oregon?
I offer 1:1 coaching for mothers using a structured framework I have built over 10 years of experience working with kids and families.
With Love,
Kaitlyn Dove
Kaitlyn Dove, a therapist in Oregon and founder of The Nurtured Theory. Helping moms of young kids move from survival mode to building patterns that support who they are now in motherhood. Learn more at www.thenurturedtheory.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do my old habits stop working after becoming a parent?
Parenthood changes your responsibilities, energy, priorities, and identity. As your life changes, your routines often need to change alongside it.
Why do I feel like I've lost myself in motherhood?
You are adjusting to a completely different season while trying to hold onto routines that belonged to an earlier version of life.
How do I know when it's time to change my habits?
When a habit consistently leaves you feeling frustrated, depleted, or disconnected, it may be a sign that your current season needs something different.
How can therapy help with motherhood burnout and identity loss?
Therapy creates space to reflect on your current season, understand the patterns that no longer serve you, and build habits that support who you are today.